Parental Involvement

The college application process is a breaking away moment in a young person's life. The application has to owned by the student. Parents can help by lending a supportive ear and being a sounding board for the trials and tribulations of the process. It is the young person who is going to be attending the college and the application needs to show the essence of the student. The student is the only one that can write the essay. The voice of the essay has to come from the student. It is a hard moment for the young person/parent relationship but it is natural. An IEC can help make this transition less stressful.

Yes, in a couple of ways. First of all, there are parents who call up schools with numerous questions about applications, deferrals and the student's chances and attempt to sit in on interviews. If the parent takes over the process to such an extent that the school becomes aware of it, this can hurt the applicant. Secondly, parents who are overly involved with the application itself (i.e., writing the essay, insisting on certain extracurriculars being featured etc.) can sometimes hurt because the application either becomes too stiff, too formulaic or appears to have been prepared by an adult.

The campus tour is so that the student can get a feel for the campus and ask questions about what it's like to live and study there. Their job is to decide if they like the school and if it feels like a good fit for them. That is not the parents' jobs to be asking those questions. However, a parent must think of the logistical issues of putting their child through college- paying for it, getting them to and from school, etc. A parent's job on the college tour is to ask the all the questions they need to find out if this is a school they can help their child succeed at. Remember, parents know their kids better than anyone so they can help their child process what they learn, and maybe think of the questions they forgot, but they are there as a support team.

Yes. When your child goes to college they will likely be living away from their parents, they will have to take classes and take care of themselves alone. A student whose application too obviously has the mark of over-attentive parents will signal a red flag that the student is not ready to handle college as they are too dependent on their parents for their academic success, and would not be able to maintain the academic caliber the school would desire without parental support. Remember, your child is applying to college, not you. This is not to say you should not help and guide them through the process, as indeed you should help your child, but you should help them, not do it for them.

Yes! Colleges are looking to accept or reject the student not the parents.

Once a student is 18, by law colleges may not keep parents informed unless the student has signed a waiver allowing for this to happen.

For the most parents should allow the student to complete the application by themselves. Admission officers can tell when a parent has completed the application and that will sometimes give that officer the idea that the student didn't really want to apply there. However, parents can be very helpful because they love to brag on their sons or daughters and this can often be hard for the student to do themselves. So parents can tell the student all of the great things they have done in their high school careers and the parent will often remember things that the student had forgotten or didn't think was important.

Set up a college fund for them and be clear on how much you can afford. Apply to public and private colleges. After FA and scholarships the private colleges, particularly those that try to minimize loans may be more affordable. Realistically your child will not be able to pay for college on their own, given the cost of tuition. The cost needs to be a discussion for between parents and the student so that the best choice can be made by the family.

Almost every tour I have been on, a parent has asked "how safe is the campus" which prompts a discussion of the blue light system and the police's response time. This is a time for the student to be asking questions about the different aspects of life on campus. How are room mate problems handled? What is the party scene like? Parents should take the tours and attend the information sessions but should let the students ask the questions.

1. Set a good example by remaining calm 2. Be honest about your concerns, especially financial. College is very expensive. Parents and student need to have a frank discussion about the financial parameters. 3. Ask how you can help rather than making suggestions. 4. Knowing that you are there to listen rather than to nag can be a huge help.

Parents of children applying to college these days are called "helicopter" parents, and many admissions officers, counselors, and teachers find that their jobs are made infinitely more difficult because of parental interference. But what do you do if one or both of your parents are of the Blackhawk variety? You can't escape them, and they seem to have their hands in everything from your homework, backpack, phone, web history, and of course your college applications. Here's our two-step process for dealing with hovering parents: 1. Be Understanding: college application time is stressful for everybody in the family. For students -- the pressure is obvious since it is their future on the line. For parents -- this time of their lives is an enormous period of transition as well. They have dedicated so much of the past 2 decades raising children -- and now it's time to say goodbye. And even though they shouldn't feel that their child's college choice is a reflection on their parenting achievements -- many parents do. They feel like they haven't done their "job" well if their child doesn't go to the best school possible. So -- try to be understanding that parents are under enormous stress at this point in their lives. Try to see the good intentions behind the annoying nagging. (You can't change them -- but you can change the way you see them!) 2. Be Responsible. Another great way to deal with parents is to show that YOU are on top of the process. Show them that you are aware of deadlines and are planning accordingly. Show them that you are working on your essays and speaking with teachers about recommendations. Show them that you can handle the process and let them know that you will come to them with any questions. The more you take control of the process and show them that you are capable, the less anxiety and the more PRIDE your parents will experience!

As much experience, knowledge and good intentions that you have -- try to keep a low profile during a campus visit. Let your student be the leader and the main driver of the process. If you have questions, you should certainly ask them as well -- but remember -- you don't want to be the overbearing parent that we all know who monopolizes a Q&A session with the admissions staff or who expounds on their opinions/experiences during a campus tour. Overstepping your bounds doesn't help anyone -- and it certainly makes for a very long and uncomfortable car ride home with your teenager!

Once your student turns 18 then you have no right to your child's academic records. Be clear at home about your expectations from the registrars office. If you are paying for your child's education then you have every right to see their grades. Insist that your children sign the waiver and have a copy of their grades sent to you.

Parents will be best served if they view their role in the application process as that of support person. The whole application experience is a "first" for their child, so with that will come a certain level of anxiety. The skills the the student is developing during the admissions cycle will serve them well in college. Often the best thing a parent can do is hire an independent educational consultant to help them maintain perspective.