Always ask questions. Make sure you always ask questions regarding school accreditation, financial aid support from the school, career services upon graduation, and costs.

One of the best ways to minimize organizational stress in any situation is to establish a clear plan of action with set dates when certain actions should be started, allowing a reasonable amount of time for the task to be completed successfully and effectively by a set deadline, while making sure to take time conflicts into account - both actual and potential. This procedure is effective in any kind of situation when deadlines must be met - in private life, work life, or, as in this case, when applying to higher education institutions. During the time that students are applying to college/university, they also still have a lot of important academic and extracurricular commitments, so it's easy for stress to set in. Parents can help their children to manage this stress by assisting them in setting up a coherent plan of action. This would best be done by sitting down with the student when there is plenty of time for a fruitful discussion, discussing what needs to be done, and coming to a mutual agreement as to a workable plan which will then be entered onto a calendar that has been designated especially for this purpose. The parent should not make the plan him/herself and present it to the student. That would probably be a source of more stress! The optimum time to start this process is early in the 11th Grade. A college admissions Plan of Action would include: - Preparation time for in-school assignments and testing (Grades have to be kept up, after all.) - Scheduling college admission standardized testing preparation and test dates - Research of colleges/universities of interest - Visits to schools of interest, if possible - Applying for scholarships independent of specific universities, if that is the student's intention - Writing the college admissions essay(s) (This is often a stumbling block for students.) - Submitting college applications and related support material - Making sure that standardized test results are forwarded to relevant institutions when those decisions have been made - Making contact with coaches, music directors, etc. at specific institutions, if the student has outstanding skills in a particular area (This may include submitting videos of the student's performance in his/her area of expertise. Submitting a portfolio or auditioning may be required if a student is applying into the Arts.) - Attending to financial aid applications - Approaching teachers and guidance counselors for recommendations early enough to allow them craft effective references - Considering and responding to acceptances from institutions once they have been received Some institutions recommend or require interviews, so when setting up the Plan of Action, arranging for the interviews should be taken into consideration, as well. (If something is "recommended", I like to think of that as "required", so a student would be well-advised to act on any of the "recommended" suggestions. It will add an element of further depth to his/her application.) As you can see, there is a lot to attend to, so it's not hard to understand how a student and his parents can become stressed. Have an open ear when your child wants to discuss various areas of the process or bring up the subject yourself if it seems appropriate, but make an effort to keep the conversation on a productive, not a nagging, level. As a parent, you don't want to become the major source of stress for your child in this process. Be respectful of your child's further study interests and encourage him/her to discuss them freely with you. Remember that your child is NOT you, and make every effort not to be manipulative. (I know from experience that it can be really hard not to try to "pull the strings") Your child will be trying to find the way that is best for his/her own life course. Be there to support him/her through that process.

The part parents play in the college search and application process is always a very "sticky" issue. Students usually want to, and should, take the initiative in making the decisions related to their college applications. Parents will, of course, be involved with determining realistic financial parameters and filling out the necessary financial aid application forms. (With regard to determining financial parameters, the possibility of financial aid and scholarships should be taken into consideration.) Parents should also feel free to offer suggestions of possible schools for the student's consideration, but every effort should be made not to take over and steer the entire process. If a parent finds him/herself saying, "WE're applying to _____________;" (fill in the blank), that parent is WAY too involved in the application process. Even if the student lets the parent take over, that doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. Two easy ways for parents to help their children with the search and application process without taking over are: - Assist the student in setting up a filing system for sorting information he/she gathers about the schools in which he/she is interested. - With the student's input, set up a calendar with all relevant and important dates - standardized test registration, standardized test sessions, application and financial aid deadlines, interviews, college visits, etc. In order to avoid time conflicts, this calendar should also include important high school requirements - tests, papers due, and so on. A well-organized calendar will go a long way toward keeping the student on track. But what about students who just don't have their acts together with regard to pre-college planning? This can be a great cause of family stress! In this case, it might be advisable to contract the assistance of an independent college advisor, who can guide the student through the search and application process without having to deal with family-dynamic emotional issues. Because high school Guidance Counselors typically have very heavy work loads, it is probably not realistic to expect that kind of one-on-one assistance through the student's school. If parents and their child(ren) constantly find themselves at loggerheads when discussing college-related issues, it is advisable to involve the high school Guidance Counselor or to hire an independent counselor. In addition to relieving the stress on the family, the counselor will be able to provide much valuable input which will make the entire college search and application process much easier for the student.

There's a fine line between being involved and being TOO involved with your child's college search, campus visits, and so on. Parents should always be available as a sounding board for their children's college ideas and perhaps to provide some guidance in staying focused once in awhile, but they should avoid pushing their own agenda, as much as possible. That being said, it's important to remember that, since this college venture will, in most cases, involve a heavy financial commitment on the part of parents, they do have a right to be involved in the process. Now, about the campus visits: Parents should encourage their children to be pro-active in seeking out information and visiting areas of the schools that will be relevant to the student. The colleges/universities to be visited should be well-researched BEFORE the visit. It will be worthwhile if both students and parents are aware of the college culture and offerings when they arrive on campus. Then the visit will provide further layers of understanding. Your visit will typically consist of a group information session and a guided tour of the campus. Before visiting each school, it will be helpful for students to prepare a list of questions that they would like to have answered during the visit. Parents and students can work together in preparing this list. Then, during the Q&A period after the information session or during the tour, the student can pose some of these questions if they have not already been answered. The presentation and tour may also trigger new questions that had not previously been considered. Both parents and students should, of course, feel free to ask those questions, but parents should make a concerted effort not to steam roll through the process, taking the control away from their children. If parents consider themselves primarily as "observers" of the process, rather than the focal point, the occasional parental question will not seem to be a move to take over. As partners in the visit, parents and their children can complement one another, in that some of the aspects that they consider important will undoubtedly differ from time to time. If the student has scheduled an interview while at the school, parents will not be actively involved during the interview. While waiting in the lobby of the Admissions Office, they can be gathering brochures which may be of interest to their children and reading some of the materials available, which will perhaps trigger other questions. Remember that the point of the visit is for the student (and his/her parents) to gather information and gain as much insight as possible into the institution. After each visit, parents can give their children a chance to talk about their impressions of the school, making appropriate comments or asking relevant questions, but without trying to actively manipulate the student's conclusions. Talking about those impressions will give the student a chance to better understand what they themselves like and don't like about any given institution - what excites them and what turns them off.

The part parents play in the college search and application process is always a very "sticky" issue. Students usually want to, and should, take the initiative in making the decisions related to their college applications. Parents will, of course, be involved with determining realistic financial parameters and filling out some of the necessary financial aid application forms. (With regard to determining financial parameters, the possibility of financial aid and scholarships should be taken into consideration.) Parents should also feel free to offer suggestions of possible schools for the student's consideration, but every effort should be made not to take over and steer the entire process. If a parent finds him/herself saying, "WE're applying to _____________;" (fill in the blank), that parent is WAY too involved in the application process. Even if the student lets the parent take over, that doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. Two easy ways for parents to help their children with the search and application process without taking over are: - Assist the student in setting up a filing system for sorting information he/she gathers about the schools in which he/she is interested. - With the student's input, set up a calendar with all relevant and important dates - standardized test registration, standardized test sessions, application and financial aid deadlines, interviews, college visits, etc. In order to avoid time conflicts, this calendar should also include important high school requirements - tests, papers due, and so on. A well-organized calendar will go a long way toward keeping the student on track. But what about students who just don't have their acts together with regard to pre-college planning? This can be a great cause of family stress! In this case, it might be advisable to contract the assistance of an independent college advisor, who can guide the student through the search and application process without having to deal with family-dynamic emotional issues. Because high school Guidance Counselors typically have very heavy work loads, it is probably not realistic to expect that kind of one-on-one assistance through the student's school. If parents and their child(ren) constantly find themselves at loggerheads when discussing college-related issues, it is advisable to involve the high school Guidance Counselor or to hire an independent counselor. In addition to relieving the stress on the family, the counselor will be able to provide much valuable input which will make the entire college search and application process much easier for the student.

Within the parameters of what a student's family feels that they can financially support, students should make the decisions and initiate the actions regarding their applications. In considering the above question, I tried to think of some worst-case scenarios, in which too much parental involvement could hurt a student's chances. This is what I came up with, but it is not intended to be a definitive list. - A parent who insists, for some reason, on his/her child applying to colleges which are not realistically in the student's range academically may be hurting the student's chances of acceptance by forcing him/her to apply to institutions to which he/she can not realistically expect to be admitted. It's okay to include a couple of "reaches" among the applications, but even those should be realistic "reaches". The student might luck out, but there's a much greater chance for the success of applications if the student's abilities and skills fit the expectations of the schools to which he/she is applying. - Parents calling Admissions Offices with various sorts of bribes, veiled threats, accusations, and other manipulative behaviors would most likely negatively affect a student's chances for admission. - A parent who decides that he/she would do a better job of writing the student's applications essays than the student him-/herself and proceeds to do just that is making a big mistake. Colleges want to hear the applicant's "voice", and the words chosen and ways of expressing ideas would differ greatly between the parent and the student. This could have a negative effect. (A student once brought me "his" essay to look over. It had clearly been written by his father and sending it to the college would have been a disaster! That potential problem was nipped in the bud, however, and the essay that the student ultimately sent, written by himself, was powerful and emotionally compelling.) - On a campus visit, if a parent takes an overly dominant role, overriding the student every time he/she wants to ask a question of an admissions officer, it could leave the admissions officer with a negative impression of the student's self-confidence or assertiveness. In short, parents should be available to support their children through what is essentially a stressful rite of passage, but should resist urges to take over.

Plenty! For the past 33 years, I've been helping families send their kids to the college of their choice for less than they ever imagined! I'm also the author of, "How To Pay For College Without Going Broke." Here are just a few tidbits of advice: 1. Make sure ALL students have <$100 in their name. In the financial aid formulas students have NO APA (Asset Protection Allowance), and lose 20 cents/yr in financial aid for every dollar they have. Siblings under age 19 are sometimes included, so that's why they all need to be broke. 2. Parents do have an APA, and in a 2 parent family, with the older parent 50, the APA is $46,600. A single parent age 45 only has $14,200! Assets include: cash, checking, savings, savings bonds, Prepaid Tuition Plans, 529 Savings Plans, stocks, bonds, mutual funds & real estate other than the home. Any assets over the APA will cost the family 5.64%/yr in lost financial aid. There are legal asset repositioning strategies, but too numerous to mention here. 3. For those families who own a small business, put your kids on the payroll! Students have a $6,000 Income Protection Allowance, and the tax consequence will be infinitesimal, but the business could save $1,000's! 4. Consider a PLUS (Parent Loan for Undergraduate Students) as a way to pay your EFC and any unmet need. Payments are deferred until 6 mths after graduation, the interest cost is 7.9%, and if they qualify parents can take the Student Loan Interest deduction of up to $2,500. Check with your tax preparer.

Although students need to be in the "drivers seat" during the college selection process, parents are a part of the team! Since there are so many changes occuring to the college admissions and financial climate, it is impossible for a student to keep up with all of the information flooding them. Parents can help by keeping abreast and identifying reliable sources of information. Parents have an important role in helping to arrange college visits, exploring career center and support resources at colleges during visiting and reducing student stress by removing obstacles and unneeded worry about test prep, SAT/ACT testing costs and application fees. Open communication, dialogue and patience are essential now, and parents need to resolve their own anxieties about the college decision before they can provide the best support!

Yes. If they're too overbearing it can make it a very frustrating experience. Keep them in the background, but don't hesitate to ask for help when necessary - like reviewing your paperwork for errors.

By reviewing all work for errors, either grammatical or otherwise. Stay in the background, but always be available for your help & support.

Parents of children applying to college these days are called "helicopter" parents, and many admissions officers, counselors, and teachers find that their jobs are made infinitely more difficult because of parental interference. But what do you do if one or both of your parents are of the Blackhawk variety? You can't escape them, and they seem to have their hands in everything from your homework, backpack, phone, web history, and of course your college applications. Here's our two-step process for dealing with hovering parents: 1. Be Understanding: college application time is stressful for everybody in the family. For students -- the pressure is obvious since it is their future on the line. For parents -- this time of their lives is an enormous period of transition as well. They have dedicated so much of the past 2 decades raising children -- and now it's time to say goodbye. And even though they shouldn't feel that their child's college choice is a reflection on their parenting achievements -- many parents do. They feel like they haven't done their "job" well if their child doesn't go to the best school possible. So -- try to be understanding that parents are under enormous stress at this point in their lives. Try to see the good intentions behind the annoying nagging. (You can't change them -- but you can change the way you see them!) 2. Be Responsible. Another great way to deal with parents is to show that YOU are on top of the process. Show them that you are aware of deadlines and are planning accordingly. Show them that you are working on your essays and speaking with teachers about recommendations. Show them that you can handle the process and let them know that you will come to them with any questions. The more you take control of the process and show them that you are capable, the less anxiety and the more PRIDE your parents will experience!

As much experience, knowledge and good intentions that you have -- try to keep a low profile during a campus visit. Let your student be the leader and the main driver of the process. If you have questions, you should certainly ask them as well -- but remember -- you don't want to be the overbearing parent that we all know who monopolizes a Q&A session with the admissions staff or who expounds on their opinions/experiences during a campus tour. Overstepping your bounds doesn't help anyone -- and it certainly makes for a very long and uncomfortable car ride home with your teenager!

Once your student turns 18 then you have no right to your child's academic records. Be clear at home about your expectations from the registrars office. If you are paying for your child's education then you have every right to see their grades. Insist that your children sign the waiver and have a copy of their grades sent to you.

Parents will be best served if they view their role in the application process as that of support person. The whole application experience is a "first" for their child, so with that will come a certain level of anxiety. The skills the the student is developing during the admissions cycle will serve them well in college. Often the best thing a parent can do is hire an independent educational consultant to help them maintain perspective.