The Panty Predicament

Fashion Trends

By Victoria Uwumarogie
03/04/2015
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In the hustle and bustle of college life, a girl can go through a clean basket of clothes in less than a week; especially if bad weather arrives, or an encounter with a spilled beverage at a party leaves you all wet. While you can get away with wearing a pair of jeans more than once, once you’ve worn a pair of panties, you can’t go back. Guys can do that as it’s their nature, but there’s a rule against it in the woman’s etiquette handbook (trust us). Plus, it’s just plain ol’ nasty. So when washing day has been delayed by a lack of quarters and pure laziness, how can you avoid getting stuck wearing those bellybutton-covering granny panties? Well, after a week of testing out some of the best deals on underwear of all different colors, cuts and materials, I’ve picked the top five panties with the most to offer for a quick fix and a low price for the panty-penny-pincher.

#5. No Boundaries stretch cotton string bikini

Stats:

  • 5-pack
  • 95 percent cotton
  • 5 percent spandex
  • $6 at Wal-Mart

I know what you’re thinking. A five-pack of underwear means that the material has to be cheap. But that’s far from the truth. Instead, the panties are super soft and provide a balance between conventional solid covered bottoms and ones in funky designs based off of themes. As childish as frills are on an adults underwear, they make wearing them all the more fun. The Comfort: No cracks could be seen on my sidewalk if you know what I mean. Plus, some packs come with an additional six panties for the same steal of $6. The Wedgie: A little low in coverage for the frontal area.

#4. Fruit of the Loom cotton thongs

Stats:

  • 100 percent cotton
  • 3-pack
  • $9.99 at Wal-Mart

While the idea of a 3-pack seems awfully stingy, these Fruit of the Loom panties are perfect for the occasional thong wearer. They stretch with you, so the lines that often find their way into your skin with most thongs aren’t present. One of the few panties made out of 100 percent cotton, which makes them a lot more comfortable and a lot less noticeable than their spandex-laden peers. The Comfort: Very soft and comfortable. The feeling of a constant wedgie was nonexistent with these thongs. Sisqo would be proud. The Wedgie: By being a tad bit too high in the front, this panty is somewhat reminiscent of the granny thong as it constantly made the attempt to peek over my pajama pants.

#3. Hanes “Wedgie Free” Hipsters

Stats:

  • 100 percent pre-shrunk cotton
  • 6-pack
  • $6.99 at Wal-Mart

While I was initially frightened by the size of these panties when I pulled them out of the bag, I was more frightened by the fact that once they were on my bum, they fit perfectly. The smooth waistband stayed in place without digging into my skin and I never found the back of the hipster trying to creep up on me. A go-to for jeans and sweats. Plus, the colors were of a wide variety, but how could you expect anything less from a 6-PACK? The Comfort: Something is missing. Oh yeah, that itchy tag that’s supposed to be in the back. It’s great. Go tagless or go home. The Wedgie: The back of the panty covers a tad bit too much of the buttocks for my liking. Just saying.

#2. The “Cheekster” by Victoria’s Secret PINK

Stats:

*
  • Material can vary, but my pair was 94 percent cotton
  • *
  • 6 percent spandex
  • *
  • $7.50-$10.50 or 5/$25

Oh Cheekster, how I adore thee! These popular PINK staples can be a hipster, a boyshort, a brief and an uber-scandalous thong. Topped in lace, bows, wild prints and sparkly fonts the likes of which Microsoft Word has never seen, the Cheekster is like a colorful party in your pants. It’s all about how much you want your cheeks to smile with this panty. Go from the brief-like “cheeky” to the backside all-out-and-about “cheekiest” in one shopping trip by trying the 5 for $25 deal. While it might not be the cheapest way to go, how else could you have this much fun down there? The Comfort: So many styles, so many colors. Will change the way you look at the ordinary panty. The Wedgie: For the average college student, only five panties for $25 feels like a rip-off with the cheaper varieties out there.

#1. The boxer brief 2-Pack by Hanes

Stats:

  • 90 percent cotton
  • 10 percent spandex
  • $4.99 at Wal-Mart

So, boxer briefs for women are so not lady-like. I get it. But the Hanes brand made especially for ladies might be some of the best drawers I’ve ever worn. While they’re bigger and more spacious like men’s boxers, they stay close to the skin like the ordinary panty. I went the whole blizzard-like day with thermals and jeans on and didn’t realize until I hit the restroom that “hey, I did put on underwear this morning!” While you may disagree with my choice for numero uno, please, don’t knock it until you try it. The Comfort: Fits like a second skin. Love the imitation slot detail as well. The Wedgie: That it’s only a 2-pack. I could wear these forever…

BONUS!

While I’ve run through some of the best underwear you should try, what does the top-notch celebrity prefer? Or better yet, what panties are these ladies getting a pretty penny to prefer? Here are the top celebrity underwear ads that had you racing to the stores and kept those fancy underwear anything but under wraps.

#3. When a “Scrub” Meets a Wedgie

Let’s be honest, wasn’t there something a bit corny about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Hanes ads? Well, Sarah Chalke’s Hanes ads were almost as funny as her loveable character Dr. Elliot Reid on the hit show “Scrubs.” Who needs to see celebrities half-naked for them to sell underwear anyway? There was something much more entertaining about watching her maneuver the streets helping ladies get rid of their wedgies, something like a panty superhero. And who cares about name brands when you can be wedgie-free for cheap? Honesty. Now that sells panties!

#2. Eva Mendes Loves Her Some Calvin

Tall, dark and sweaty. That’s how Eva Mendes appears in her artistic black and white Calvin Klein underwear ads. Who wouldn’t buy Calvin Klein underwear if you could look like that in them?

#1. The Bootylicious Beckhams

Yes, Victoria Beckham’s Armani ads are interesting. Victoria sitting on a bed in Armani underwear. Victoria lying on a bed in underwear. Victoria lying next to a bed in underwear. Repetitive, but interesting. But things got a whole lot more interesting when she teamed up with hubby David Beckham. A greasy, toned David provided that extra oomph for an often drab ad campaign filled with the same-old greasy body and routine lip pouts. If their perfume ads and red-carpet appearances haven’t made it clear, two Beckhams are much better than one.

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