A Catholic University in New York City. It’s kind of an oxymoron if you think about it. I mean, here I am, enrolled in a strict Catholic school where I can’t even have my boyfriend stay in my room past 3 in the morning. But I’m also in one of the most liberal cities in the world where anything goes and anything is possible. Fordham and the city play a game of tug of war with the students. I mean, on church on Sunday, there is always whispering of how awesome our weekends were and how drunk we got and how we can’t remember a thing from Friday night. The administration, run by the Jesuits, is strict and firm about their policies. I guess they have to be in a place like New York. Our gates are guarded at every entrance. In each and every dorm there is one entrance and one guard. Not only does Fordham teach us the curriculum, but my friends and the stupid rules at Fordham promote kids to be creative in getting around them. Sneakiness and rule-avoidance is an important trait if you want to make it around here.
Rule Number One: At Fordham, not only do students from other schools need to sign in, Fordham students who don’t live in that particular dorm need to sign in as well. I find this a bit ridiculous. I mean, anyone who goes to Fordham should be able to get into any building with his or her student ID. But this is not so at Fordham. My friends and I have some tricks to get around this stupid rule. For one, my good friend and I look pretty similar. Unfortunately, she lives in a different dorm. Instead of worrying about signing me in and out, she’ll come outside and give me her ID. I’ll walk in with it, flash it to the guard so he sees that I live there, and walk right in. No signing in, no problem. One tip though, make sure your friend is able to get back into her own dorm. That could spell trouble.
But if this does occur, there is always plan B. If you have a friend who lives on the ground level of the dorm destination you are trying to reach, they can remove the screen, you sneak over to the window, and hop right in. Easy as that. No harm, no foul.
What could be the reason behind this rule? There has to be one. The guards at Fordham must see some crazy stuff. We are surrounded by the Bronx. I got a clue as to why the guards are so hard ass on this rule. While in my previously mentioned friend’s dorm, we were watching a movie upstairs in her room. It was late, so she had fallen asleep. When my roommate and I went to leave, we went downstairs to sign ourselves out. (This was before we had figured out the schemes to get around this.) We explained to the guard that our host was asleep and we were just going to sign out.
“No you really can’t do that,” the Jamaican-accented man boomed at us from behind the desk.
“Why not?” we asked. “We feel bad waking her up.”
“Just have her come down here. I have to make sure you haven’t raped and killed her.”
Well, I’m not an expert on rape or murder or who normally fits those profiles, but I never before thought I would be a suspect. I am 5’6, weigh 130, Caucasian female, with brown hair and green eyes. I know we aren’t supposed to judge people by the way they look, but I think this guard may have following that ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ rule too strictly. However, it is comforting to have these guards here on campus. Who knows what can happen in the dirty B.X.?
Rule Number Two: Those students who have significant others and want them to sleep over can’t get an overnight pass for someone of the opposite sex. This is because Fordham is a “Catholic University” and premarital sex is not allowed in the Catholic tradition. Fine. But did these Jesuits fail to recognize that homosexuality isn’t allowed in the Catholic Church and is much more frowned upon? If they are going by that logic, our Fordham homosexuals who have significant others coming to stay would have no problem getting a guest pass and consequently getting it on. But nevertheless, for all of our heterosexual Fordham students, we have one easy fix for this rule: make friends with a guy or girl in your dorm and have him or her get a guest pass for your boyfriend or girlfriend. Piece of cake. The security guards don’t really care as long as you have the paperwork. They are too busy hating their lives signing drunken 18 year olds in and out from 10 pm to 6 am.