A College Guy Talks


After how long do guys expect girls to have sex? Does it depend on whether it’s a hook-up-type thing versus a budding relationship? After how much time, or after how many hook-ups, would you say is “typical” to have sex? What kind of message does having sex send to a guy? Would a guy ever drop a girl because she won’t have sex with him? At what point? Can having sex be used in a good way to convey you want something more serious with a guy? And when does having sex with a guy make you seem less attractive or slutty to him, or take you out of the game as girlfriend material? -Waiting at Williams

Sex timing is a difficult question and really does change with the situation, but I will state some guidelines. Do not have sex on a first or second encounter. It’s just dirty and guys talk. Unless you’re alone in the Mohave for 24 hours and need a Bedouin quickie, those encounters will soon make you the dreaded “that girl” and once you’re known as “that girl” you will forever regret it. As I’ve mentioned before, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be sexual. Granted that guys unreasonably like to state explicitly how “far” they went, don’t give them the pleasure of saying much for a little while. Yet, you need to be very careful; you need to keep the sexual tension very strong to avoid him disappearing permanently. Do the simpler things more passionately and boost his confidence in all your actions. While making out for instance, caress the fake ear he got to replace the one he lost after his motorcycle accident in Bali (true story- don’t ask). Make him feel important and leave him wanting more, but again try and avoid giving him much to say when he comes back to his dorm and sees his buddies.

After some time, once you can see the relationship becoming a little more potentially long-term, let him know you think it’s time you did the deed. This could be two weeks or two months, but unless it falls over summer break and you’re apart for a while, I would be wary of waiting much longer to have sex. Eventually, he will lose interest and might leave you for evolutionary reasons. He is even more likely to drop you if he sees no end (or beginning?) in sight, so make sure he is aware of where things are going, whether it’s an until-the-end-of-the-semester thing or a long-term deal. The decision to have sex, though, can send a very important message about the relationship, and if you do it too early then you waste it. Signaling to the guy that you are ready will show him how much he means to you (yep, guys have feelings too). Wait for the moment when you think the relationship is just reaching a plateau and needs that extra boost to reach the next level.

Honestly, very little will truly freak him out enough to turn the expected hook-up into a disaster. Shaman carcass peace offerings or electric TASER wires by the fetish chains might do it, but realistically guys do not think the same as girls. Girls are always looking for ways to be freaked out and are constantly seeking the right mood. Music, candles, and an (atypically) clean guy’s apartment can really make a night go well. If back at your room for the first time, most guys find reasonably abnormal room things fun and comforting and mood-setting really doesn’t matter for them. So if you have an eight-foot gorilla doll, make up a story about it if it was actually a gift from an ex-boyfriend, but otherwise it’s funny. If your room is a mess, it may even reduce your own slutty factor because you clearly weren’t “expecting company.” Be confident with anything in your room. As far as ex-boyfriend’s things are concerned, just get rid of them. If you are cheating on your current boyfriend, I would avoid letting the affair boy notice what’s up. Just put the photographs and the sex tapes away. Additionally, a few big DO NOTS that will massacre that first room encounter: Condoms, sex-toys, and anything related to your cousin red. Keep the vibrator, lube, and diva-cup in a closet far out of sight. For some reason, seeing (or even touching) those things makes guys real uncomfortable. We realize they exist, but would rather play ignorant for as long as possible and the conversation about where this rubber thing goes can never be anything but awkward.

Check out more from HerCampus.com

Save time. Let us search for you.

Take our Scholarship Match Quiz!