We're excited to announce the winners of the Unigo Make Me Laugh Scholarship!
"Describe an incident in your life — funny or embarrassing, fact or fiction — and make us laugh!"
Not all scholarships have to be serious business. In fact, it’s nice to find a fun scholarship that let’s you cut loose and laugh. Our Make Me Laugh Scholarship does just that. Our comedic scholarship winners told jokes, funny stories, and even shared embarrassing moments — all in the spirit of free money for college. See our past winners and their scholarship responses below.
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I can give impromptu speeches, interviews, interact normally with friends—but I cannot manage to charm a boy. This is The Story of My First Crush™.
His name was Henry, and he had a Justin Bieber haircut that outdid the man himself. He was a skinny-jean-wearing 6th grader, who listened to classic rock. I was pigeon toed, shy, and wore exclusively purple tees from Aéropostale. We had found each other through my cousin, who had invited us on a skiing trip.
So, there I sat, sweating in the leather seats of the car while we trekked through Arizona to find snow. I decided that I wanted to marry Henry. The hours went by, and by 8:00 PM we had arrived at the cabin. I need to act now, I thought. What better way to show my interest than to flip his hat off of his head? This would be the peak of my flirting, the moment he would laugh and look into my eyes and feel the fire that I felt. Nervously, I went to tip his hat off of his head. But instead, disaster struck. My uncoordinated and nervous arm had missed the underside of his hat and instead hit his nose. Little did I know, he had recently broken it and gotten stitches. I practically punched his nose. He began to cry, and the stiches began to bleed. I sat next to him, mouth agape, searching for a way out of this horrible situation. We were never married.
"The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin."
If you’re having trouble imagining what that looks like, think of an orangutan falling down the stairs. Trying to brush its teeth. With a violin.
This quote is one of my favorites, and although I’m not a husband, it is an unfortunately accurate depiction of my love life.
Thick, matted fur draped onto thick, matted arms sporting thick, matted fingers. Especially ill-suited to handle the delicate instrument of a woman’s heart.
Don’t start off a conversation with, “What’s your favorite kind of bread?”
Don't use pet names like “honeysuckle snapdragon” or “my spicy chalupa.”
She’ll say, “Joe, I feel like you’re using cheap humor to avoid talking about important topics.”
“Your mom uses cheap humor to avoid talking about important topics,” is how you shouldn’t respond.
The most unfortunate thing about this display of bumbling ineptitude is it isn’t being used on women with equal bumbling ineptitude. They are fine women. They will go places in life.
“Joe, I got accepted into UPenn!”
“That’s where Donald Trump went. Please reconsider.” Incorrect.
“Joe, I got into Brown!”
“Hmm, I feel like if a college is named after a color it will be sub-par.” Wrong.
Don’t ask yourself: why would he say these things? Is he an idiot? Why does he know where Donald Trump went to college?
Tell yourself instead, his emotions are too strong to express themselves in conventional ways.
That’s what I do.
Warning this story is one hundred percent true no matter how crazy or wacky it may sound. My brother-in-law works for the state prison and he had one of the inmates approach him with a problem. He said he got bit by a bug on his...well wiener. The inmate showed him his ya ya, and it was bleeding quite profusely. The first thing my brother-in-law thought was that had to have been one big bug to cause that kind of damage, but he doubted the inmate would tell him the truth and sent him to medical. My brother-in-law came back to work a couple of days later and was informed the inmate had lied to him. Apparently the inmate was kind of a loner and liked to sit on a patch of grass in the prison yard. Lately the prison has been having a small problem with gophers digging up holes in the grass. The inmate thought if he were to mark his territory, like a dog, then the gopher would leave. So he stuck his ya ya in the gopher hole, and soon as he did that the gopher popped his head out and just stared at him before it latched on. The best part is that this whole experience was caught on the security cameras and you could see the gopher flying through the air as the inmate trying to shake it off. The report is now posted throughout the entire prison.
Nathaniel B. Champaign, ILMajor: Electrical Engineering
I walked out into my yard to find my dog tearing up the lawn with a bunny in its mouth. This was a very unusual sight because my dog always chased bunnies but never caught them. I took a closer look and realized in horror that the bunny belonged to my neighbors.
My family had had some “issues” with these people in the past, and I did not want to deal with another confrontation. I knew what I had to do, and it was not going to be pleasant.
I forced my dog to drop the bunny, which by now was covered in doggy slobber, mud, and dried blood. Using a pair of kitchen tongs, I threw it into the shower. I let water run over it until the water was a pure white, and I got my mom’s hair dryer and fluffed it up until this bunny looked good.
Once my neighbors left to get the mail, I saw my opportunity. I hopped their fence and set up the fluffy, dead bunny in its cage looking better than it ever had been. When I heard my neighbors coming, I scrambled back over the fence.
Not two seconds later, I heard a blood curdling scream from the neighbors’ house. Acting like a good neighbor, I rushed to the fence and said, “What happened, what happened?”
The neighbor looks at me, her face ghost-white, and says, “Two weeks ago, the bunny died, and he’s back!!!”
Toni G. Cypress, TXMajor: Medical Science
A faint cry was all I heard; a feeble noise that escalated until it couldn’t be ignored. The incessant gnawing at my heart awoke me; fear had me in its grasp as terror encompassed me. “God, help me!” The feeling was too strong to discount. I struggled against the sheets, desperate to escape and rescue my daughter. “God! Please, help me!” Scenarios rolled through my mind like an interminable horror movie. Breaking free, I ran down the hall frantically, stubbing my toes on every corner and hitting my elbow in the process. “God, HELP ME!” The sound that followed was an unnatural mix between a strangled scream and guttural shriek. I focused every ounce of energy I had on saving my daughter, but the hallway never ended. I was getting closer, but somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I wouldn’t reach her in time. Finally, the hallway ended; a light was illuminating the area in front of me. I walked nearer and nearer, following the light and then, what I saw shook me to the core. No, literally; I nearly fell on the floor shaking from laughter. There, slumped on the toilet, glistening with a light sheen of sweat on her brow was my pale, trembling daughter; clutching at her sides, trying to contain the cramps of constipation. “God…help me…”
Denise N. Oroville, CAMajor: Medical Office Administration
As a first time mother to a curiously clever two year old girl, I took any opportunity offered to get out of the house by myself, even if it was only for a few minutes. So when Uncle Ron offered to babysit so I could go pick up a pizza I was more than happy to accept.
When I got back with the pizza I noticed my daughter’s play tea set on the coffee table. Uncle Ron was sitting on the sofa aside the coffee table watching the evening news. He told me how they were having such a wonderful tea party together and praised her for making such yummy tea.
My daughter then comes walking carefully into the room with both hands holding one of her tea saucers full of water. She makes it to Uncle Ron surprisingly well without spilling much. Before I could say anything, or I suppose I secretly didn’t want to say anything at the time, he took the saucer she was holding out in front of him and gulped down the water. I just stood there and watched him swallow it down and then said, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach water is from the toilet?”
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